I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
