I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
