god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
