perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Rumble strips road head = magical
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
