After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
