Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
