I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i out mim tonsoeep
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