If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
