he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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