i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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