I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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