capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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