What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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