Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
