Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
