The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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