Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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