Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
