I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
