Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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