currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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