im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
