I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
