i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
