420 ftw
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
