you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
