You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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