He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
