well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My Higher Power is John Stamos
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think I sprained my soul last night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm too high and old for this...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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