So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
