he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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