yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
