There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
