You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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