Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
