i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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