Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
