I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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