she takes plan B like it's going out of style
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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