You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
