mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
