Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
