Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
