I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
