just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
