i just google imaged poop.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
