Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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