its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
