'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
