Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
