I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
