How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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