we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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